Eight Simple Rules For Dating The Fuhrer's Teenage Daughter
by EternalAmaterasu
Summary: Rule 1: Do not touch my daughter in front of me, unless you are prepared to have the touching limb(s) removed. Permanently. If you fail to heed my warning, as Fuhrer I will put a law against you seeing any automail engineer in Amestris...


**This is a re-upload from my other account I am no longer able to use.**

**Inspired by something I read recently called '10 Rules For Dating My Daughter,' and Miriae's story 'Fatherhood' - check it out, it's an awesome one-shot.**

**Enjoy.**

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**RULE ONE**

Do not touch my daughter in front of me, unless you are prepared to have the touching limb(s) removed. Permanently. If you fail to heed my warning, as Fuhrer I will put a law against you seeing any automail engineer in Amestris. You may look at my daughter, so long as you do not gaze at her for more than 10 seconds and your eyes to not wander below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes off my daughter's body, I will boil out the fluids in them. And trust me, it will hurt.

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**RULE TWO**

When you meet us for the first time, do not be troubled if my wife stares at you. She will be doing this so that she can clearly solder the memory of your face in her mind - this is in case you ever make our daughter cry. I assume that at school you have been taught about the Ishvalan War. We would hate for there to be a repeat of it because of a distinction error involving an innocent bystander.

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**RULE THREE**

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear low hoods and pants ten sizes too big for them. If you show up at our door with your underwear showing and your trousers falling off your hips, my wife and I will not object. However, to make sure they do not accidentally slide off during your date with our daughter, we will attach them securely against your waste with a nail gun. You may also consider it useful to know that collecting guns is a hobby of my wife's, any of which we will use if more extreme actions are deemed necessary.

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**RULE FOUR**

Do not think I don't know about the escalating number of youths participating in adulterous activities these days. This will NOT be happening with my daughter. I am sure you will have heard that part-taking in such activities without protection can kill you. Allow me to explain this – the only "protection" by daughter ever needs is ME, and if you break this rule I will kill you.

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**RULE FIVE**

There is a specific time in the evening when I expect my daughter to be home. When you come to our house to pick her up for a date I do not wish to discuss anything other than what time you will be bringing her home. The only word I want to hear coming out of your mouth is "early." Neither my wife nor I will sleep until we know our daughter has safely returned home. If you bring her home late, I will have you banned from touching her at all when I'm not around and your future dates will be accompanied by the Strong Arm Alchemist. This will ensure you're never late again.

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**RULE SIX**

Places not appropriate for you to take my daughter to on a date: Places where there are alcoholic beverages. Places where there are no parents, policemen, military personnel or monks in sight. Places that are dark or have dim lighting. Places where there are beds, cushions, sofas, or anything softer than a brick wall. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. These are not an option. And don't think you can sneak off to one without me finding out because I am the Fuhrer and my job is too demanding. My wife is the "Hawk's Eye." She will be watching… Everything.

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**RULE SEVEN**

Do not be alarmed to find that my daughter carries a gun. This is an extension of the "protection" I mentioned earlier, and neither my wife nor I permit her to leave the house without it. When my daughter says no, she means NO, so don't even think about trying anything "funny" with her. On the other side, let me make things clear. My daughter is a kind, gentle, very precious gem and you will treat her exactly as so. Once you have started dating her you will continue to date her until she is finished with you. If you do anything to hurt her, you will be answering to me.

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**RULE EIGHT**

Do not violate any of the above rules. If you do, I will find you and I will torch you. If it so happens that you are outside that day and it is raining, there are children around, or your location is in any other way inappropriate for death by incineration, don't count yourself lucky kid. My wife will gun you down.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading. Leave a review if you have the time.<strong>

**God bless****!**


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